Relationships might turn you into someone you detest. I feel that I've become more of a psycho bitch all over again. It sucked. I know it has to be my insecurity issues. Couldn't possibly change that.

I couldn't get over certain issues even though it was claimed to be a matter of the past. See, the word "claim"? I also have trust issues. I don't like it when people lie to me. It's pretty easy for someone who thinks a lot for a habit, and walk through all your statements logically with the help of their good memory. Then it made them realised certain things, then get all upset. 

Cause she's younger by a year, she's prettier, cause she is in a better position for your sympathy. 

I'm jealous. I lost inside out. 

She managed to keep you on her hook for awhile. And that loan! So much for, 

"I used a bit of money to test people".

What conclusion can you draw from it she didn't took the initiative to return you? Yeah, "give her some time, she's in need of help". How about a year? She did not. 

You felt that blessed that you've met her. You saw yourself in her. She gave you the green light to love again. That last part, I don't buy it. If it's so, I don't want what someone had discarded. 

NOW WHAT? A benefactor? Nope. 

Fuck this shit.

I want someone to make me feel better, not all these. 

I really hate myself to care so much about those shit. I wonder how long more I can go on.

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Holiday has been okay, after I've been grounded for about a week or less. It was a training schedule on "How To: Be a Maid" sucked I tell you. Vacuum the floor, mop the floor, keep laundry, make dinner, wash dishes, hang laundry. x4

Let me shoot myself if I'm a housewife. Oh my god, damn no life. If I were to end up being one, I wouldn't be happy.

Studies had shown that housework is more stressful than certain professions. Forgotten what professions, do own research to get proper examples.

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School is starting next week. I've seen the courses in blackboard already. I can totally feel the heat, feel that stress...gushing towards me like tsunami. Course outlines, assignments, assignments percentages, small quizzes, essay datelines, FINALS. 

They are all there. All crammed and compacted with an extra heavy dosage for 3.5 months. 

But again, it's much better than 8 modules. Hope I can pull up my GPA. Current GPA made me too ashamed to write it out. Couldn't even bring myself to be honest with myself. No guesses.

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Frustrated, confused, angry, jealous, insecured. Indignant, lowly, defeated. Unleashed stalkish mood but failed.

Bored, not appreciated, aimless.

Worried, scared, suffocating, stressed. 

So much emotions in a day. A pretty, rocky sea of mood.